An Explanation of Sorts

This will not be a poem or a rant in the way I usually channel my emotions, but more of an explanation of sorts. I have many now that follow my ramblings (a fact that still surprises me) and I thought this would let those that seem to care or at least have an interest know the reason for my moods of late.

I have a big heart, some will know that. I let someone in quite some time ago and they stole a major piece of that big old heart. I thought…. well, I always think too much it seems, no need to explain further to those that have read the swings in my mood before and since I came to this blog. Things were going well and then she let someone else into her life and it scarred deep. So many times I thought we had worked past that scar only to have him reappear at his convenience and open the wound yet again. Just when it seemed that it was over and done, he had hurt and disappointed her for the last time and she was cutting all ties, I actually thought maybe there was a chance, only to have her fall back once again.

One dear friend that knows a little of this asked me why I couldn’t either forgive her or forget her. Don’t think I haven’t asked those questions so many times, through the day and the night. Even I admitted that I cared too much, that maybe the only way to ever let go was to hate her. That is something I can say has only happened a couple of times in my life, just isn’t me. For the sake of letting her go on with whatever she needs to make her happy, to give her the space that she needs to explore why she hangs on to one that took advantage of her as no man should and yet she welcomes him back, well that to me is something that drew the line in the concrete, forget sand. With that, I find if I am ever going to have a chance to move on and maybe one day pick the pieces of my heart off the sidewalk where she left them, I need to work on me. I am not sure how long it will take for me to hate her, but if that is the only way to keep my fingers out of her life, so be it.

To the friends that read my ramblings, I hope you don’t feel all the pain that will be passing, only feel the hope that life can move ahead. I know that we all need a special person or purpose in life to keep our heads erect and imagine a future, I had that, it is gone… I search again.

Thank you for your reading and I hope to get the old Gray Poet back….

About graypoet

Just one that at times puts the words to the page and lets them fall as they might.
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6 Responses to An Explanation of Sorts

  1. Jeannie says:

    It takes time–how much no one knows–but you will find your way through the maze of hurt feelings, a broken heart, and betrayal–yes, you were betrayed. That stings and hurts so much…because you had put your trust in someone and it was dropped like trash on the sidewalk and ignored. Better to know now…it could have been worse. The knowing doesn’t help with the pain of moving on but maybe writing it down helps and knowing that others do care and won’t throw what you offer away. In reading your words I find a kind hearted person with much to give and I know as you walk through your days there will be an awakening with someone new who relishes the gift of our graypoet. {hugs}

  2. Cheryl says:

    Our hearts are given in full, in faith that they will be received and loved, not to be misused and shattered. We know of each other’s heartbreaks. The time needed to heal these heartaches can seem endless. I have you in my thoughts and prayers, my dear friend. May your hurt be less with each passing day.

  3. solingenpoet says:

    Dear Graypoet, i sense your turmoil. All i can say is that we bring noting into this world and take nothing with us when we leave, so just guard your heart and don’t let bitterness in. In our ‘grey’ years dear poet, we must be ever more vigilant to ‘be ready’ whatever that means to us it definitely does not take account of an ‘other’. Be strong and know yourself take account of the hope that;s within you and build on that. Hugs. xxxxx

  4. Phyllis Sears says:

    WOW These other replies have said it all. You are a kind, caring, loving man who has a heart big as all outdoors. You will know when it’s time to draw that line in concrete. There are so many who care and love you just as you are. You deserve only the very best always. Ive tole you many times before the lady that wins that lovable heart will have a heart of gold herself and you two will live happly everafter. But how that happens is in your court. You know I am here to listen, offer “advice” (LOL) support and care always. Hang in there and know your poems speak volumes always. Hugs my dear friend

  5. Valarie says:

    Sounds like you got the raw end of that deal my friend.Maybe this lady didn’t know the extent of your feelings,or maybe she was in between a rock and a hard place,know that feeling.,but whichever it was, she probably wishes that things had been so much different.And if you never get your heart to hate her,that’s a good thing,because hate eats you up,believe me I know.Love endures all.or so I’m told lol.maybe one day I will find out.till then……

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